Getting Ready to Say Goodbye to My Family Home
I want to first start this blog by saying thanks to everyone for their support in reading my poems. It’s been a very therapeutic for me as I try to come to terms with her loss.
So those of you who are reading this blog for the first time…my mom passed away three years ago suddenly from Juvenile Diabetes. I have been grieving her loss for almost three years! Yes.. I know that it a really long time.. and while the pain is still very much real, I have realized that with time my complex grief will eventually work itself out.
While the days have been getting a lot easier, I know that I have miles to go before I have arrived at the last stage of grief known as acceptance.
Recently things have been going well in my life. I have a group of friends that I like spending time with and an awesome family that have supported me throughout those very difficult years… and that continue to do so.
But I wanted to mention something that has been on my mind for a while now. It’s been hard to talk about as I am sure some of you who have gone through the same process would have to agree.
About a year ago my dad decided to put our house on the market. His decision to sell our house did not come as a surprise to me because I knew it was something he felt compelled to do since the day she died.
He loved my mother very much and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her in the house. Now that she had passed away, he doesn’t see any reason to continue living in the house that has become nothing but a painful reminder of someone he loved very much and was so taken from him so cruelly by such an unforgiving disease.
Strangely though I do not feel that way when I spend weekends there with him. It still feels like the same home I have loved since I was a baby, and although my life is different without my Mom — that house still remains the only thing in my life that somehow hasn’t changed.
And that is why I still love being there. The very idea of losing my home is like experiencing her death all over again, but on a much smaller scale. While I’m happy for my dad that he has finally decided to let go of his past and move on from his grief, I understand that the process isn’t going to easy for either of us.
But the tricky thing about grief is that it’s not the same for everyone. We all deal with it in our own ways. And that is okay.
While I might not agree with the way my dad is handling his own grief, I have to respect that he is his own person and that the decision to sell our house is his only. It is not my place to make that decision for him.
As I reflect on these past three years I realize that I have come along way emotionally. I still want to get to that point where I can look back at my life I had with my mom and feel GRATEFUL for the memories we shared together.
Right now I still look back and feel sad and angry at God for taking away something that meant so much of the world to me. I want to have hope that she is somewhere in heaven above looking out for me and my family as we attempt to rebuild our lives and establish our own “new” normal.
Thank for reading this post. I hope you find this helpful in someway. I would like you to please share your thoughts below! Thanks,